forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
