Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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