You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
