It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
