you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
