I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
