Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize