just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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