i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize