So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
