how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
