At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
