farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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