he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
