I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
