So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
