HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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