her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
