my vag is so smooth its legendary
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
