Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
