I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
