Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
