the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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