FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
