Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
