I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just cropdusted the office
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
