the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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