My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
