You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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