Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
