Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
