A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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