Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
