You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
