you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize