My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
God, I missed his penis.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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