so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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