What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
