Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
