u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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