I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
