you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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