Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
