If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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