So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
