get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
