Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
