Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
zippers are such a cool invention
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
