he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
