I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
