he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
