I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
