is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
