Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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