he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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