You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
