So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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