What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I checked into jail on foursquare
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
