I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
