his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Never underestimate the power of titties
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize