You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize