jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
