Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
