It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
