im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
