The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
