Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
