I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
