She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently the secret to your success is patron
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
