Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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